Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Weaving the most beautiful tapestry you could ever imagine...

I am at a point in my walk where a particular subject keeps coming up...it is like the Lord is graciously showing me in blinking lights His awesome wisdom, power, and creativity over and over again through the way He connects us.  And I am grateful.
 
He is showing me His handiwork- His handiwork in weaving together lives, crossing paths, and writing chapters in lives that overlap . His providential placement of people and events in my life makes me stand back in wonderment.  How He uses those crossed paths to affect others and bring Himself glory has me amazed. And how He continually makes these events happen as if they were planned before time began (which they were) utterly astounds me. We tend to look at life as a bunch of random, chance happenings. Probably because it is too overwhelming to think that any one thing or person could arrange it all.  But He does. When you take the time to step back and connect the dots of your life-it is out of control crazy how awesome His plan is. Step back and look at your tapestry.
 
Case in point- on our first trip to Ethiopia we were with four other families from our adoption agency. These families were from Texas, California, Connecticut, and Washington state.  We stayed together in a small guest house in Addis-we traveled north to Mekele and back together on an airplane and shared some of the most special, emotional days of our lives together. We braved Addis Ababa traffic in a "blue donkey" together.  We broke bread together. One of these families briefly worked with an Ethiopian NGO in Korah(the massive trash dump for the city of Addis). . She had some familiarity with the area and some folks there-and she knew a driver, so we took a day trip there together when we got back to Addis. The threads had been put in place on the loom for this tapestry.  While there, we saw some of the most gut-wrenching poverty on the planet. "Korah" means "cursed" in Amharic.  Folks who live there are often considered cursed because of poverty and sickness. We left Korah changed that day.
These are typical homes found around Korah. The mountain you see in the background is actually trash. These poorest of the poor dig for items they can recycle for a little money AND they dig for their meals here.
 
Fast forward  a couple of weeks...our family along with another family from our adoption agency decided to sponsor a child through an American non-profit  group that was helping this Ethiopian NGO(that we were made aware of by the same adoptive parent who brought us to Korah).  We did not realize that this group would soon be severing ties with the Ethiopian NGO.  We had learned the stories of the children we were sponsoring...we had seen where they lived...we knew that they were relying on us to pay their school fees(in Ethiopia everyone has to pay to go to school-so obviously the very poor have no chance unless someone comes along side them to help). We also were excited about the fact that our friends in Ethiopia had rented a structure in Korah where the kids could come and learn about the Gospel.  They also could receive tutoring in their school work. Occasionally they would be able to receive a meal there. If a church or another entity did not come alongside this Ethiopian NGO, they would not be able to continue their work in the community. They would lose the building they rent which serves as a community center where Jesus is shared with these children. Our kids would not be able to attend school.
 
 
 
Fast forward another couple of weeks....our family traveled back to Ethiopia for our adoption embassy trip. This time, only 2 other adoptive families from our original group were there, and one left shortly after we arrived.  One family spent the entire week with us and happened to be the other family that decided to sponsor a child in Korah. The Lord knew what He was doing when He planned for us to spend a second week in Ethiopia together. We were on a mission(that we were unaware of at this time)-and it was not just to bring our adopted children home.  Part of it involved wrecking our hearts AGAIN for the people of Korah and He would use both of us in this next series of threads.
 
Proverbs 24:12
" Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we do not know what to do.  God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know and holds us responsible to act."
 
So-the Box family and the Easters went back to Korah. We visited our friends at ACDO(Access Children Development Organization). Nati is a young fellow who is currently in college.  He was a Compassion International kid y'all-an American family sponsored him so he could go to school. Good stuff. He loves the Lord and is studying social work in college now while giving back to his community.  His brother Ashu works for a local church and also helps with the organization, and Areghegn is the head of the NGO there. They love the Lord. While we were there, we actually went in to the homes of the children we sponsor. We brought them clothing, food, and prayed for them. We took our friends from ACDO out to a traditional Ethiopian meal and discussed how we could come along side them and help share Jesus with the people of Korah. We collectively decided that the Box and Easter family would continue to sponsor our children by privately sending money until we could get a non-profit up and going in the states to help solicit more sponsorships. We have had a couple of other friends and family members who are trusting us to arrange their sponsorships as well until we have an official non-profit in place. We are sharing Jesus with these kids...one kid at a time. We prayed that ACDO could hold on in the meantime financially(because starting a non profit in the US takes a stupid long time and requires stupid hoop jumping). Yes-I said stupid.
This is Yenesu-the child we sponsor, standing inside his home.  I sat on that bench when we visited his family. By sponsoring him, we are allowing him to attend school-the first step in stopping the cycle of abject poverty that keeps his family hostage.
 
Suzanne's sponsor child in the green dress is Tihunia. Through Suzanne's sponsorship and extra gifts she is able to attend school and also move to a structure with concrete walls and a tin roof. This is a huge thing-especially during the rainy season in Ethiopia.
 
 
And then a plan took effect.  A plan that the Lord had already chosen the thread for...the thread that would be woven into an even larger tapestry than we would imagine at the time. One of the things that happens at the ACDO center is that there are women who are learning the trade of making beaded jewelry. On our first trip we purchased a couple of necklaces.  On our second trip, Suzanne purchased a bundle-not really sure of what would happen with the hundred-plus necklaces she purchased.
 
Our sweet lady friends in Korah making jewelry at ACDOs center. By buying this jewelry, we are empowering women and providing job opportunities. 100% of the proceeds of the sales of this jewelry go to the women. We are working to establish relationships with them and to help them see their value in the God who made them. If you are interested in this jewelry and supporting the women of Korah-please contact me.
 
 You see, Suzanne works with another non-profit in another African country.  In fact-a couple of weeks after our trip to Ethiopia she was traveling to Kenya with Mercy House. Many of you have heard about it.  Mercy House Kenya is headed up by the same woman (Kristen) who blogs at We are That family. They were in the beginning process of starting something called Free Trade Fridays where American women could join and receive a special free-trade item once a month.  You can read about it here http://mercyhousekenya.org/blog/2014/7/20/introducing-fair-trade-friday.html .
Well..in all His wisdom and tapestry weaving goodness-The Lord blessed this Free Trade Friday idea and they will be using some of the necklaces from our dear friends in Korah.  So what is sooo cool about this?  The fact that the Lord put Suzanne in two places at just the right time...to bless the poor and to bring Him glory. Two tapestries connected to make an even larger one.  He introduced her to the ladies at Korah in Ethiopia and gave her an opportunity to bless the ladies at Mercy House Kenya as a result. The sales of the necklaces through the Mercy House Free Trade Friday opportunity will help the ladies in Korah and the ladies in Kenya.  Our God is big, y'all.
 In addition-he brought Suzanne and I together-both of us with a strong hunger to get a non-profit off the ground here in the states so we can continue to help the folks in Korah. We want to have an organization that can handle the sponsorships of these children(60+), help promote and sell the jewelry made by the ladies, and even bring together folks to travel to Ethiopia to minister in medical and other ways to the community.   I don't know what He was thinking when he put two VERY strong-willed adoptive mommas together..but I am sure it was because what we will be doing will be requiring some extra strong will! That particular thread in the tapestry must be a very colorful and strong one! I am very thankful for my new friend Suzanne.  I am thankful for other believers who are passionate like her. I am grateful that the Lord let us cross paths. To Him be the glory in our friendship.
 
In the meantime-I would like to ask for some specific prayer requests.  Please join me in praying for the people in Korah.  That Jesus is made real to them by the efforts of the men at ACDO. Please pray that the Lord sustains ACDO until a stateside organization that we are forming(Caring for Korah) can take on the huge task of gathering sponsorships on a larger scale and supporting their work. And pray for the men at ACDO that they do not grow weary of doing the work of the Lord.
As soon as our organization gets going-we will be seeking sponsorships for these children. Sponsorships will be $40.00 a month.  Perhaps you can start praying about this opportunity-making room in your budget for it ahead of time.  We will need at least 60 folks to step up the the plate on this. Is the Lord calling you to be a thread in this tapestry?
And finally-take a moment to step back and look at the tapestry the Lord is weaving in your life.  Why does He have you where you are?  Who has He allowed to cross your path? What is His purpose in doing so? He is big. He has a plan. Look for ways to bring Him glory in the middle of it.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, July 7, 2014

How He Loves......

I got a request today to blog on a particular subject. A friend of mine and a mom of several bios wanted to know how we dealt with the fear of not loving our adopted kids as our own. Her family has considered adoption but this question haunts her. Her raw question hit on a layer that I have been avoiding visiting in this adoption story-but I am thankful that the Lord used her question for me to peel the layers of this stinky onion down to the core.
 
Our homestudy had us read books on connecting with your adopted child ( Dr Purvis is the go-to on the subject-if your agency or homestudy does not require this reading...Do. It. Anyway. It is one level~maybe two~ below Holy Scripture to adoptive fams). It is a very common issue/concern. But we now find ourselves in the middle of reality.  We have two kids that look like us, that I rocked and bottle fed(no I did not breast feed-haters gonna hate)...that I have driven to ball practice for umpteen years. We have two kids that grew up on the other side of the world...their eating and personal hygiene habits are foreign-they dress differently(given the opportunity...which is becoming fewer and far between), they have coping mechanisms developed from living in an orphanage that kinda grate on your nerves. We constantly need to make sure we are not putting too much pressure on our bios with the ways they cope with these two new additions-while at the same time not letting the two new ones rule the roost and get everything they want. It is definitely a circus balancing act. I would venture to say that our bios may be feeling a little second class right now-while the whole family dynamic is adjusting and settling in to the new norm. While I would have told you the training portion of our homestudy and adoption was bogus 3 months ago-I am glad we have that under our belts now. It is a good thing. I will return to those books and notes.
 
A couple of months ago, a friend and I started a "secret" Facebook group that we moderate called Christ-Centered Ethiopian adoptions. We saw a need for a page that honored the Lord appropriately in our adoptions-and was also an honest and "real" discussion zone. It is a safe place where no agency employees are allowed...people are "vetted" before they are allowed to join to protect the members who are participants. People can ask raw questions about the process, ethics, agencies, anything.  Another member organizes a virtual prayer vigil every week at a certain time for anyone who has requests(lots of requests mind you-adoption is tough....bathing it in prayer is the only way to go). This group has been a huge blessing to our adoption journey and there are families there who have adopted numerous times-there are adult Ethiopian adoptees, and there are families still waiting on referrals. The Lord uses Facebook-don't care watchya say. I mean how cool is it to connect on the internet...and then actually MEET someone on the other side of the planet- who is actually from your side of the planet --but they are adopting from the same country as you-- at the same time as you? That has goosebumps written all over it. This was the perfect place to "float" my friend's question.
 
My first reaction was to answer her with this morning was "the Lord makes it work"...in fact, I did. I know without a doubt that I love the Lord and the Lord made this possible and that He has "got this".  What I didn't tell her is one of the most common phrases in adoptive circles is "fake it till you make it". I'm telling her now behind the safety of my keyboard. I am not going to lie...we have dug in and will fake it till we make it. Sometimes the Lord blesses us with that mentality-the ability to ride it out. Fake it till you make it isn't giving up on the Lord.  I fully believe it is a strategy..a  tool that He gives us. If we weren't faking it some days...we would not be too God-honoring. There, I said it.
 
This is not to say that we do not love our two new children. I love them enough that I will go all momma-bear on someone else who picks on their inability to understand a game under their breath among other youth. I love them enough that I have an intense need to protect them(particularly in Wal Mart parking lots). I love them enough that I understand the need for the fine ratio of discipline vs. compassion in their young broken lives.  I love them enough that I cry for them.  I cry about their stories and I cry with their stories. I love them differently. But I do not love them any less. I love them differently. Just as in a marriage-sometimes you have to work at it. Love takes work. Can we all agree?
 
This is one of those subjects that the writer in me is having difficulty finding the words to describe. I don't want to take away from the love that is there-but I don't want to sugar coat it and tell a potential adoptive parent it is all rainbows and unicorns. Adoption is hard. Ain't nothing about it easy.
 
A quote from a good friend of mine sums it up: "A lot of adoptive moms that I have talked with have been afraid to be honest about this topic for fear of judgment. Sometimes it's just a different kind of love".
 
She is in a tough place with kids that she adopted several years ago. For lack of a better word, they  may not have "attached" yet. This is real.  This happens-more than we care to discuss. Adoptions do fail by the way. There are sites that exist to re-adopt/re-home children from failed adoptions. But guess what-my friend is in it for the long haul. She has bios, she has another adopted child that is not so "hard to love".  The saddest thing I grieve for in this friend's situation is that she currently does not have a church family to help her with this part of her journey. My prayer for her is that the Lord will send her support in the form of a church family, one that will come along side her in the trenches and offer her some respite  ....believe me-it makes a BIG difference. I really want her to come park an RV on our property and live here( I am not kidding)...but an RV would be hard with 6 kids and a hubby-especially when his commute to work was 18 hours one way.  
This is one thing I would say to my friend who posed this question today....surround yourself BEFORE you start the process with God-fearing, Jesus-loving, not-gonna-dump-you- if- your-are- honest friends that can help. Adoptive mommas get it. Special needs mommas get it. Keeping up with the Jones,' gotta get my kid on the varsity team and in the latest fashions, and into a good college mommas don't always get it. Get you some mommas who "get it" in your circle now. Mommas that don't care if your 10 year old adopted daughter wears a Christmas sweater out to dinner in July in 90 degree heat because it is "prutty'.  The Lord uses these wise women in HUGE ways in adoption. Their wisdom is like a soothing teething ring in the early stages....a warm blankey in the stages to follow. Get you some. And you are welcome to move your RV to Easter Creek Farms anytime. I am honestly thinking about starting a commune.
 
 

 " I always knew I would love my daughter as my child...it just wasn't immediate. And I will try to explain better: I loved her from the beginning: I loved her sweet face and her story, I loved that a long journey was coming to an end, I loved her eating Cheerios from my hand the first morning she stayed with us. But she was a stranger and that's just the truth with adoption."
 
and more from David-

"With adoption, you have photos, you have reports...but the reality is one day you don't have a kid and then the next you do. So it takes a while before that becomes a normal part of your life. I just don't think there is a way to process it that is similar to pregnancy and birth. It's different.
For me, about three weeks after we got home our 13 month old was getting blood drawn, and the nurse kept missing her veins and she was screaming bloody murder. I wanted to punch the nurse in her throat and that's when I realized...oh yeah...she's my kid! I'm about to punch a stranger (a woman even!) in the throat because of what's she's doing to my kid!"   

On the other end of the spectrum, an adult adoptee friend said this "It doesn't matter what anybody says. Any child who is adopted into a family that has a biological siblings ALWAYS feels second."
This makes me sad. I honestly shed tears over this. The only response I can generate is this-this child  probably also felt second when one of their siblings got to stay with their bio family but they got dumped at the orphanage. They probably felt second when other kids got adopted from the orphanage before they did. Even in  a family of no bio kids...this child will have feelings of being second, unworthy, unloved because they are "different". This is the broken, fallen world that creates the need for orphanages and adoption in the first place. This is just a clearer picture to me of the need of a Savior-the desperate need for a redeemer in all of this. How do non-believers even deal with this process? Insert the obligatory "smh' here.  Once again I will defer to the Holy Father to heal those wounds.  Nothing I can do will be sufficient...whether I have zero bio kids or 30 when I adopt. My prayer is that I am able to do precisely what the will of the Father is in this child's life for His greater glory. I will leave the child's feelings of being second to the Creator, the Healer, the Father. He can deal. He can work masterpieces out of torn apart hearts and weeping souls-He can take a second place citizen and make them a King or a Queen. I defer.
 
And perhaps the most poignant response to the question I posed to the group was this:
 
" Our fears are what stand in the way of loving an adopted child...not our capacity to do so. It is there. God put it there" Clairissa
 
Thank you wise-adoptive momma that "gets it".
 
And it is with this attitude I move forward. This same friend reminded me that humans are such creatures of comparison. What difference does it make if we love them differently?  God put the ability for me to love that child there. I love each of my bios differently don't I? So-whether it is a different type of love than I have for my bios or the same...it was put there by my God-which means I have no right to question it. The same Father who adopted me in to His own family although I was unlovable, unworthy, and undeserving put the ability in me through His Holy Spirit to give this child the type of love required. If it is not the same as my bio children-so be it. It is of Him and that is all that matters.